I’m NOT Busy…Now What?!

The other morning on our drive to school, my 8 year old son said to me, “What do you do all day when we’re at school? You know, now that your not working?” Underneath the sarcastic response I was tempted to blurt out, the weight of his question was crushing. Why? Because unbeknownst to him, this innocent question pierced a layer of (relative) calm and confidence I’ve been enjoying on our adventure so far. His question exposed a restlessness in me that is way more comfortable hiding behind the mask of busy.

Except I know better. For me, the allure of having a lot to do is seductive. Accomplishing goals, solving problems, conquering to-do lists…it all feels really good.  And sure, these things are important. Exciting. Even necessary. But they are also easy to hide behind. So when we made the decision to leave the SF Bay Area, which also meant leaving my job, and move to the countryside in Denmark, I knew one of my favorite little hiding places was about to disappear…at least for awhile.

What I couldn’t have known though, is how strange it was going to feel to be ‘not busy’. As in day after day, not crazy busy. Don’t get me wrong, there are of course things that demand my attention, people to see and small dramas to be worked through (I don’t live in a cave after all), but the day-to-day pace feels really different. Even the collective atmosphere here in Denmark is noticeably more relaxed. 

But on occasion, like the other morning driving my boys to school, I get a glimpse of deeper questions bubbling just below the surface. How do I want to use this gift of time? How can I use this gift of time? And even the dreaded “how should I use this gift of time”? I can taste my eagerness for answers. But the answers aren’t clear…which triggers more questions that I thankfully do not give much energy to these days (you know, the “why don’t I know? will I ever know? when will I know? how will I know?”, etc.). Actually, the only answer that feels relatively clear these days is to keep doing what I’m doing – sitting with the unfamiliarity and uncertainty of it all. Getting somewhere between acquainted and familiar with being ‘not busy.’ And being okay with it. Trusting that that is enough. That more will be revealed along this journey. Oh yeah, and making sure I drink decaf in the process (which is not as readily available here by the way).

So while I’m over here navigating life off the beaten path and reminded that uncertainty is unescapable for the gazillionth time each week…here’s a few things I’ve been discovering (yes, farming is noticeably absent from this list. More on that in a future post):

1. Podcasts! I know, I’m probably late to the party here, but now that I have more time in the car (it’s 25-30 minutes to the boys school each way), I’m all in. Super inspired by the perspectives and content on topics ranging from finance and politics to wellness and motherhood. If you have a favorite podcast, please share. I welcome recommendations! 
2. Kindle Unlimited: Yup, let me guess…I’m late to the party here too. Admittedly, I didn’t even realize I had been paying a monthly subscription to Kindle Unlimited until last month…ya know how you sign up for a free trial and unless you cancel by a certain date, it starts automatically charging you? Ugh. I hate that. Reminds me – quick public service announcement: if you haven’t already, take the time and go through all your recurring monthly accounts like Amazon, iTunes, Hulu, Netflix, etc. and make sure you know not only how much you pay each month, but also what your paying for. Current Kindle read: The Year of Living Danishly.
3. Language school and new friendships: I go to the local ‘sprogskole’ (language school) 3 days/week to learn Danish. My classmates are diverse coming from Eritrea, Syria, Ukraine, Poland, Romania, Vietnam and then me from America. It’s fascinating learning about people’s stories of how/why they came to Denmark and about the culture they came from. I’m enjoying building friendships with people from parts of the world I know so little about. 
   
4. Motivation for the home workout: I’m impressed with people who have the discipline to consistently workout at home. It isn’t something I’ve really done much of up until recently. But with not living near my favorite workout buddies and places, I’ve been inspired to up my home workout game. Thank you to all those in the business of inspiring home workouts on IG. You help me and I totally get it now.  

Anyone else recently discover their pace of life shifting?