When the Honeymoon is Over

We’ve officially been in Denmark three months. Which, if you’ve ever tried to meditate, it’s kinda like the three to five minute mark after you begin. You’re thrilled because you’ve actually gotten yourself where you need to be, closed your eyes and settled in enough to where you’re almost beginning to relax…just about ready to drop in a bit deeper to that feeling of inner peace and calm. Aaaaaaannd then….more often than not, one of two things happen. You become overwhelmed with a deep urge to lay down and take a nap or your eyes pop open and your mind begins to churn.

My three month anniversary here has been marked by some serious exhaustion and mental churning. And though I believe phases like this are par for the course in life (no matter where in the world you are), whenever they show up they are rarely welcome nor comfortable to navigate. This is especially true for me in the absence of my usual go-to ‘healthy distractions’ that I had easy access to back home in Marin. Like meditation, here I ‘sit’ in a quiet place, every opportunity to relax, but instead thinking about all the things I should do, want to do, and need to do. Though everything around me is new, my mind has actually been here a thousand times before. And as nice as it is to experience such familiarity this far from home, it is not exactly what I had in mind.

So what happens next? After the nap of course. Well, if drawing from my experience with meditation, a whole lotta nothing. And that’s the hard part! I’m well aware that my type A self lacks stamina for moments like these. Rolling along with waves of the uncertainty for too long flat out scares me. Which herein lies the rub. My adventurous and curious spirit does not pair well with my desire for control. Taking risks, learning, growing, and experiencing new things makes me feel alive. On the other hand, it scares the crap out of my desire for control. Yep, I know. It’s pretty obvious to see who is the real party pooper in this combination. If adventure and curiosity are to stand a chance, my desire for control has got to take a back seat. Sigh….insert the practice of acceptance (that adventure and clinging to control cannot co-exist) and surrender (relinquishing control). And trusting the process along the way. 

Well, looks like this adventure is delivering on my hopes of it being a growing experience after all. And my earlier post about why I named my blog A Dash of Bold seems to be on point. Lucky for me, my adventurous and curious spirit is apparently the best kind of match to my desire for control. It has no where to hide. Here’s to growing faith in the face of uncertainty and struggle and not just writing about it. 😉

Thanks for following #ourbigfamilyadventure #adashofbold